Thank you Wiley

You are the winer.

This is the funniest thing I have ever read.

excerpt from FoodonDrunk by Dave Carnie

When we were kids, we used to play a game called “Pro Skater.” You pick your favorite pro skater and imitate him. Steve Caballero, for instance, was easy: you just tilt your head to one side when you drop in. Now that I’m dabbling in food writing, I’ve taken to playing “Pro Cheffer.” One of my favorite celebrity chefs to imitate is the roly-poly host of the Travel Channel’s Bizarre Foods, Andrew Zimmern. To play Zimmern, you just go to a foreign country, find the most fucked up food they have, and then put it in your mouth. It takes less talent than Pro Skater, but it’s no less dangerous, as I was to find out on a recent trip to Beijing with my wife, Tania. It happens to be one of Zimmern’s favorite haunts.

I know you don't agree with me, but Steve Caballero is a chump.

Drinking is a fulltime job.

I drank from 6pm to 2am on Saturday. I killed it. Sunday I woke up at 11 am got two Goat tacos, real Matt Lowe shit, I then went and drank at pops for 6 hours. I then went on a Bromantic date with Mike Keegan we got drunk and ate pizza. My life is good.


Anyone know who coined the term Bromance? This shit is crazy. No Cheating. Hint He is super famous in skateboarding.

Oh no this is gross

He was a good friend and he will be missed

RIP Wiley's evil twin.

I know this is early

but I might not be around to say it


Wiley I love you

I LOVVVEEEEEEE YOU

I reallly Love You

I LOVE To LOVE you

I love to love to love you

I mean it I LOrve you

Happy Birthday MY WITTLE BayBay boy

Talking to James on Facebook

A few minutes ago, I caught up with co worker and all around great guy James Dambrowski. He was at home changing diapers and I was working yet another 12 hour day. We talked shop and shot the shit, here is a part of the conversation.

Billy


you got to get back in here

I need someone to get hammered with

wait I'm gonna go shut gun a beer


5:47pm James

sickness
5:50pmBilly

perfect gun

I feel fucking great


5:51pm
James

there ya go

i'm drinking a liberty ale, join me

5:52pm
Billy

okay

5:52pm

James

this is hot, it's like cyber sex but with beers
5:57pm

Billy

got one

took me a second to find one

it was hidden in the back
5:58pmJames

nice work, just re-uped myself
5:58pmBilly

this is amazing

I love the internet

It's a Buffet in vegas in this bitch.

A bus full of old People just pulled up to my work. Some senior citzen wine tasting or shit like that, 20 of those old fuckers waddled their way in, My goddamn store smelled like Moth Balls and diapers. Don't worry I got those cock suckers real good. If you ever find yourself in the clutch of old people do this, first lock the bathroom door, those assholes hate not being able to go the bathroom, it is all they have left. Second play something sexy, old people hate sexy things. Good thing, could you imagine if those shitbirds started reproducing? It would be awful you would always have to wait to use the bathroom.

Next week I tell you how to avoid the French.

New Ghostface Killah Album

So Ghostface made a R&B album. I made it through 5 tracks at work. I had to turn it off when Ghostface in true Ghostface style started spitting the grossest shit I have ever heard. Somehow "Keep that Pussy Right there, I'm gonna give you the dick like a don" doesn't fly at my work. Well I give this album a 5 out of 5 just for calling itslef R&B. Everyone should make a R&B album, even if it is not R&B. As a matter of fact I am working on two R&B albums as you read this. One with morgan and one with BRENDAN both are love song duets. Should be good.

Wattstax

Isaac Hayes Killed it. If you don't know about Wattstax, look it up.

The new Matt Lowe

I am gonna claim I am the new Matt Lowe. Just watch me now.

I spent the whole day learning how to Pickle stuff.
I am increasingly scared of the foods I eat, unless I kill them or raise them first.
I am fermenting something as we speak.
My mayo recipe is amazing.
I have a jar of yeast culture on me at all times.
I keep a spare one under Ben's bed.
I killed a Bear with my hands.
I ate the Bear, RAW!

This time tomorrow?

What I watched yesterday.

a PBS documentary on Frank Lloyd Wright
It was Boring.
a Documentary on Weed in British Columbia
It sucked and it was stupid
Unforgiven
It had Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, and Gene Hackman in it. Clint directed it, duh. It was about cowboy justice, it was alright.
Then Morgan and I watched a movie called following Sean. It was about a kid from the Haight raised by Hippie parents. No surprise he grew up to resent that life and became a gun toting republican.
This is what I did instead of get drunk with Ben, sorry Ben I am a man now. I watch movies all day.

Ben

I love you

Smallhands show Sept 22, 2009

Top 5 list
!. The show was completely in the Dark. So Danny could not see the audience, Making his performance near perfect.
2. I some how racked up a 40 dollar bar tab on 2 dollar Pabst Blue Ribbon. I think someone was getting drunk on my tab. Lord knows I was sober as fuck.
3. I bootlegged part of the show on my cell phone. I later traded the recording to a dead head for a tab of masculine.
4. The first act was just a guy with a over head projector telling us how the tambourine was the least respected instrument in rock and roll.
5. I somehow was the only person to get drunk.

Vietnam

So there is a actual war going on in my neighborhood. People are being killed at a terrifying pace. There has been around 10 shootings in the last week and a half, all of which I believe had fatality's, all of those taking place within 5 blocks of my house. It is fucking crazy, but don't let this sway your opinion of San Francisco.

San Francisco is amazing. Gordon, Danny, Jimmy, Ethan, Ganja Will, and myself are shredding on the regular. We get fucking loaded. So much so that we forget to blog it, we got awesome and it slipped our minds. Every person we hang out with here is awesome.

My Roommates destroy shit. Sandy is a animal, she party's harder than you. Ethan is better at skating than you and he party's on first class and Gordon fucking Eckler! What more do I need to say? My house sleeps 20 comfortably.

Sandy Cruz'n for a bruising
Ethan yesterday,

Ethan spent his 20's in photo booths with boobs,

Gordon Eckler just did a front blunt onto your mom,


No matter how hood San Francisco gets it is still radd as fuck.

Time out of Mind

Dirty Laundry

Alright, I know I am not a normal 20 something guy. I don't find most female celebs all that good looking. Example, I really couldn't see the big deal with Natalie Portman until I was literally a inch away from her and she was inviting me back to her place, "Yeah, Yeah, your famous, I get it. But look Natalie Baby, I stopped dating Jewish girls a long time ago." needless to say I didn't take her up on her offer, but we still talk.

I have a very, very beautiful girlfriend, I am very happy, no matter how many hot celeb sluts try to pick me up, I am chilling. Morgan on the other hand has a wandering eye. Every time this guy comes on the radio or on the boob tube Morgan is all "I need to get Insurance for my boat" and I am all like "you ain't got no boat." I don't want to be a jealous guy, but what the fuck can I do?

Al Green

This is really great.

Holy shit! God is real.

In other not so cute news, I just met a guy named Freddy the Machete, Adam you heard of this Cat? He made beats for Mac Dre and a hand full of other east bay dudes. He makes the best shirts out right now, it is a Hoodie with a 40oz, a Gun followed by ers. You do the math. 49ERS.

Everybody make music.

Danny's album is hottest thing in San Francisco. People are feeling his handsome good looks, his wild drug induced antics, and his Mariah Carey-esque Voice. Not to suck Danny's viral dick, but people are feeling it. I know Danny isn't making any money off me playing his album, but every time I play it someone asks me, who is this? So please put your music on Lala or Imeem. I will buy your albums, just let me be able to access the music from anywhere? I think it is great.

Adam, what are your thoughts on this?

Fork in the road

What is a guy to do? Should I go back to school or go back to the streets?Brian thanks for taking this photo.

A poem about Peace on earth

Last night I got really drunk
Today I would like to say thank you

Thank you Gordon
for getting me Drunk as Fuck
Thank you Danny and Julie
for meeting me at the Bar

Thank you Tim
for the sandwich
Thank you Morgan
for taking care of me when I was getting sick

Question,
When will Danny give Birth?
peace on earth
Jah Bless

"Everytime I comb my hair......

thoughts of you get in my eyes" "We can fuck until the dawn"

Well I almost had a mental brake down, but I drank a corona, well a coronita and put on Erotic City by Prince. Now, I think I am feeling a little better. I had a conversation with Danny about top ten albums, I kept trying to put Prince on the list, he agrued that even if I loved prince there is not one album I can claim to be the best. Well danny Fuck you I will list Erotic City as its own album. I just listened to it 3 times I'm about to listen to it again and swim to the bottom of the closet bottle, what you think about that?

Please send me money

Thank you.

"BOB MOTHERFUCKING SEGER!"

Gordon Eckler yesterday at Breakfast. He then put on Dodge Ball the movie.I love you sweetie.

Your child could have eaten Lead based paints.

This is why Huff Po is important to me, I see when my friends change their name. Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. I mean it almost sounds like Ben.

Small Hands

"Some people are dropping English, while I'm dropping knowledge." I am playing Small Hands for the people of San Francisco, they love it, Duh.

Boots Boddorff!

Happy Birthday!

joke time

What would Wiley be called if he had a baby?

Danny I lied

Last night when I said I wasn't drunk, it was a lie. I was really drunk.

Sterling

Happy Birthday, I love you.

This is way over due.

Congratulations to James and his beautiful girlfriend Jill, my boy showed the world that will a little hard work and some R&B music, no joke, I think they were listening to happy people, you can make a baby. Ricky may not have been the first to make a "Baby", but no one has done it with such style and grace. My hat is off to you Rick, I love you like a brother. Oh yeah, I got little ricky a toy. I don't look anything like this guy, right? Why does everyone think we are brothers? No joke at least 4 times a week I am asked is that other guy your brother?

I has a Bucket

I would love this thing, whatever it is, forever. I don't know what kind of hideous beast this is but I would give it the best home.I would never take it's bucket away.

I would bring it in as if I was the Hendersons and it Harry, I would love it, I would feed it, I would hold it, I would knit it a sweater for when it was cold, I would make it shorts for when it got warm. Love.

Boots

Hey Boots, can you get me a job at Sundance coffee? Maybe just ask Pam. I need something extra and I can't work at ritual it sounds to crazy, well maybe I could.

I feel sick

I'm seriously in debt. I am fucked. I need to make some money, any Ideas.

The Bar-Kays Hey Jude

I am listening to a lot of Beatles covers courtesy of the people at Stax records. The Bar-Kays do an amazing cover of Hey Jude. They also died with Otis Redding. Fuck with that.

Fuck!!!!

Did I miss Burning Man?

Mclemore Avenue - Booker T and the MGs

I am sure a hand full of you (Wiley, Brian, Ben, Danny, and Adam) might have heard of this or even heard it, but this album is radd! Booker T and the MGs remade Abby road, 3 months after Abby Road was released. It is awesome, if you haven't heard it look around and find it. You can find it on Lala.com

Frank Biggs aka Mr. Biggs

Since the 1990s, Mr. Biggs has become a sought-after vocalist for hip-hop artists like Warren G, Nas, UGK, Ja Rule and Jay-Z. In 1995, he began collaborating with R&B singer-songwriter R. Kelly, who had a hit duet with Ronald and brother Ernie with "Down Low (Nobody Has to Know)", the first hit by the Isleys in a long time. In the video to the song, Kelly and Isley introduced viewers to "Frank Biggs", a character which has since become a Ronald Isley alter ego and has remained a staple in the Isley's music and videos. Mr. Biggs returns on 2001's "Contagious", the sequel to Kelly's hit "Down Low" as well as "What Would You Do", "Busted" and Kelly Price's "Friend of Mine remix", all written and/or produced by Kelly. The character "Mr. Biggs" has now become synonymous with Ron Isley to the younger generation.[1] The Mr. Biggs character has also been featured in the video of B2K's "Girlfriend".

R kelly and Ron Isley

I found a video but it wont embed, so here is the "link" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml2DaYn4MGM if no one but adam looks that is fine, but it is amazing.
Look at Mr. Biggs fucking dog! It is wearing a tuxedo and a hat.

Mr. Biggs and R Kelly

This is amazing. The Kells and Mr. Biggs phone conversation is Real Talk. I swear there is so many of these videos, I will find them all. Are you sick of hearing about how good this duo is? I know Adam isn't.
Friend Of Mine - Kelly Price

All I want for christmas....

Is for a Jew from the Midwest to make a Christmas album. Bob Dylan is putting out a Christmas album. I haven't loved Christmas this much since I played Apples to Apples with Wileys Family Christmas day. Sorry Ben there is a god and he just made a Christmas album.

Ben is really smart, right?

Why is Ben's blog so big in eastern Europe? Is it all the Hitler quotes? Whatever it is it is crazy. To get to the point, Ben asked me if I was good at math because of Drugs. He didn't mean doing drugs, he meant selling drugs. The answer is no. Btw did you know I am good at math?

I love when my friends blog

I love when my friends blog. James Blogged on our blog for the first time in a year, twice, btw I am a rapist believe me, Wiley has blogged so much today, Adam blogged the best song I have heard in a while, Ben is blogging right now, Annie is killing the Blog again, thank you, Brian Blogged yesterday, Riley blogged today, I am sure Julie blogged, she sent me a photo of boots, thanks Jules that made my day. All in all a great time to be blogging. But on the other hand Brendan Ashe you are a disappointment to the blogging world. Sterling and Kevin please blog for me. You don't have to show anyone but me.
ps if this doesn't make any sense it is cause I was crying the whole time I was typing. I cry because you all are so beautiful. I love you. I also love bloody marys and bacon.

Hall and Oates

Amazing. Now you know.

Brendan

I was gonna put the Meg White sex tape up in honor of you not blogging. I got scared so I put up this side boob instead.

Captain Tinrib

This dood was doing whip-its in my boss's office this past Saturday. No joke.

Just thought you all should know

Bolinas sounds like Penis

Time to swim with the sharks. I'm gonna risk life and limb to go swimming for the first time this whole summer. Eat your heart out east coast our summer is just beginning.

Kells, Kells, Kells

How do you do it? You saved Whitney's career. Mark my words she will win a Grammy. Kells will get no credit even if he wrote everything on this album. Now don't get me wrong it isn't cause this album is great, no far from it, it is just people are way more excepting of a has being who smoked crack over a genius who fucked up and peed on someone. Who hasn't gotten drunk before and peed on someone? I know I have. I peed on Danny the other night. He liked it.

In other news this is my family at the beach.

Whitney is clean and working with Kells

Kells just ghost wrote Whitney Houston's new song and probably the whole album. I haven't listened to it, but I am sure it is amazing. I just read a interview with the king of R & B. He talks about writing songs for MJ, Being Hood, not being able to spell "good" and how he wrote Happy People for Stevie Wonder, but Stevie turned it down. Holy shit that would have being amazing. Well here it is......


While many artists were influenced by the genius of Michael Jackson, R&B star R. Kelly had the pleasure of creating one of the King of Pop's biggest hits, 'You Are Not Alone.'

The platinum-selling single was the first record to debut at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 when it bowed in August of 1995.

After their previous success, it's no wonder Jackson was eager to work with Kelly again on his upcoming album before his death.

"I recorded five joints for Michael Jackson," Kelly said, as we sat in the intimate recording studio nestled in the basement of his Chicago mansion. "This studio here is where Michael recorded. And we had been talking on the phone about his new album, and I was going to finish what Michael was doing at the time. We're going to get it out though. Michael liked the way I would try to sing the songs just like him."

Happy People/U Saved MeBut before he concentrates on releasing the unfinished Jackson tunes, the 42-year-old R&B crooner is anticipating his own new CD, 'Untitled,' slated to drop Oct. 13.

(For full details on R. Kelly's new CD and tour, read: 'R. Kelly: Getting Up, Close & Personal for 'Untitled' Project' in the Entertainment Newswire.)

After 20 years in the music business, Kelly has seen a lot of artists come and go. It's for that reason, the Chicago native said, that he doesn't concern himself with the newcomers in the business who look to challenge him and take his spot as the "King of R&B."

R. Kelly

"If you a true King, you don't get into challenges," he offered, pausing from playing his keyboard for emphasis. "I don't get into the challenges anymore. I've passed that. You know, it's like Muhammad Ali. You get to a certain status in your life, and you don't have to throw another punch. You are who you are, and people are pretty much going to recognize that if you walk that way. It's like, what is an elephant going do when an ant or a fly lands on him? You know what I'm saying? You not gonna go out your way to swat an ant. These guys got some growing up to do. I'm past that. That's something that maybe I would have answered 20 years ago."

The three-time Grammy winner, who has won everything from Grammys to Billboard Awards, penned the title track for Whitney Houston's new CD, 'I Look to You.'

"Whitney, that's like my sister. We get into it all the time, but she didn't understand the process, and Toni Braxton didn't understand the process. You have to talk about them and crack on them. I'm a mama jokes specialist. Sometimes you got to get to cracking and ribbing on people to let them know how real yo ass is and how ghetto you is," he said.

Kelly then re-enacted his conversation in the studio with Houston.

Kelly: Now say this. [Begins playing keyboard and singing Houston's 'I Look to You'] "As I lay me down..."

Then mimicking Houston's voice, he said, "What the f-k you mean say that? That's all you got?"

Kelly: "Hell yeah, that's all I got! But just say that for right now. You gonna have to trust me some [continues singing 'I Look to You']. Then now when it all starts to come together halfway through the song, now yo ass wants to believe me! Yeah whatever."

Kelly said he admonished Houston, urging her to get herself together before returning to the studio, because he wanted her in mint condition when they cut his songs.

"I told her to go get clean and refreshed, and sing my song like 'I'll Will Always Love You,' and we gonna be alright," he laughed.

The singer wasn't laughing, though, when it came to producing the soundtrack for the movie 'Life.' Kelly confessed that he begrudgingly gave up his song 'Fortunate' for that CD.

"I hated giving 'Fortunate' to Maxwell! But I'm not selfish," he giggled, before adding, "Just say catalog!"

Having written hits for the likes of Celine Dion, Kirk Franklin, the Isley Brothers, Britney Spears, Charlie Wilson and Ruben Studdard, Kelly confessed there is only one other artist he's itching to get into the studio with.

"I want to get in with Stevie Wonder, man," he shared. "I want to get in with Stevie because Stevie continues my legacy, and then I can continue his legacy. And then Stevie, of course, he's done so many hits. It's like sometimes it's hard to get with somebody else that's going to continue your legacy. It was pretty hard for me, and I understand I got to go to Atlanta to work with these new and younger producers and stuff if I want to stay current. I realize that I got something to give them, too. I got something to feed to them, but I got to realize they can feed me, too. So it's hard to let your ego down, and you've written so many hits for yourself and did everything -- keyboard, production, everything yourself. It's hard to all of a sudden say, 'Hold on, Kells.' So I think it was pretty hard for Stevie to just say, 'Oh, wait a minute. I got to do this with another younger guy.'"

Kelly said he originally wrote his song 'Happy People' for Wonder, who passed on recording it. The track ultimately ended up on Kelly's 'Happy People/U Saved Me' double CD.

R. Kelly

For the first time that I could remember, Kelly acknowledged his challenges with reading and writing while we talked in the studio.

"I have to be honest. The reason I don't write down lyrics to songs is because I don't spell too well," he addressed.

After being asked what song from his massive catalog was his favorite, Kelly broke into an a capella rendition of his sexually charged '12 Play' before concluding: "I had all three of my kids off that record."