Thursday, October 28, 2010

The fun seems to never stop

I have entered the 5th dimension of fun. I can't go to deep into Cameron's bachelor party, but I did wake up this morning to Sterling saying "Why is Billy not wearing pants?" Sterling by the way king of the party, he got me so siked.

Today, got nice all day, rode bikes, played laser tag with my brother and now Zach and I are drinking beers and watching Deuce Bigalow. If that is not enough for you Zach has 3 lava lamps going and the dead playing in the background.

I am also, pretty fucking excited to black out with this guy on Saturday night.

It is gonna be so fun.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

tomorrow night

Dan Dan

This is for you....... 
When I get back we gotta get drunk, go camping, ride our bikes to the beach and smoosh.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Saturday, October 23, 2010


The man who cleans The Jug Shop is named Stinky.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Johnny got his motherfucking gun and it made me puke.

I loved it! What is not to like about a book that is narrated by someone with no legs, no arms. no ears, no mouth, no nose?

"He shot up through cool waters wondering whether he'd ever make the surface or not. That was a lot of guff about people sinking three times and then drowning. He'd been rising and sinking for days weeks months who could tell? But he hadn't drowned. As he came to the surface each time he fainted into reality and as he went down again he fainted into nothingness. Long slow faints all of them while he struggled for air and life. He was fighting too hard and he knew it. A man can't fight always. If he's drowning or suffocating he's got to be smart and hold back some of his strength for the last the final the death struggle.

He lay back quietly because he was no fool. If you lie back you can float. He used to float a lot when he was a kid. He knew how to do it. His last strength going into that fight when all he had to do was float. What a fool.

They were working on him. It took him a little while to understand this because he couldn't hear them. Then he remembered that he was deaf. It was funny to lie there and have people in the room who were touching you watching you doctoring you and yet not within hearing distance. The bandages were still all over his head so he couldn't see them either. He only knew that way out there in the darkness beyond the reach of his ears people were working over him and trying to help him.

They were taking part of his bandages off. He could feel the coolness the sudden drying of sweat on his left side. They were working on his arm. He felt the pinch of a sharp little instrument grabbing something and getting a bit of his skin with each grab. He didn't jump. He simply lay there because he had to save his strength. He tried to figure out why they were pinching him. After each pinch there was a little pull in the flesh of his upper arm and an unpleasant point of heat like friction. The pulling kept on in short little jerks with his skin getting hot each time. It hurt. He wished they'd stop. It itched. He wished they'd scratch him.

He froze all over stiff and rigid like a dead cat. There was something wrong about this pricking and pulling and friction heat. He could feel the things they were doing to his arm and yet he couldn't rightly feel his arm at all. It was like he felt inside his arm. It was like he felt through the end of his arm. The nearest thing he could think of to the end of his arm was the heel of his hand. But the heel of his hand the end of his arm was high high high as his shoulder.

Jesus Christ they'd cut his left arm off.

They'd cut it right off at the shoulder he could feel it plain now.

Oh my god why did they do a thing like that to him?

They couldn't do it the dirty bastards they couldn't do it. They had to have a paper signed or something. It was the law. You can't just go out and cut a man's arm off without asking him without getting permission because a man's arm is his own and he needs it. Oh Jesus I have to work with that arm why did you cut it off? Why did you cut my arm off answer me why did you cut my arm off? Why did you why did you why did you?

He went down into the water again and fought and fought and then came up with his belly jumping and his throat aching. And all the time that he was under the water fighting with only one arm to get back he was having conversation with himself about how this thing couldn't possibly happen to him only it hadSo they cut myarm off. How am I going to work now? They don't think of that. They don't think of anything but doing it their own way. Just another guy with a hole in his arm let's cut it off what do you say boys? Sure cut the guy's arm off. It takes a lot of work and a lot of money to fix up a guy's arm. This is a war and war is hell and what the hell and so to hell with it. Come on boys watch this. Pretty slick hey? He's down in bed and can't say anything and it's his tough luck and we're tired and this is a stinking war anyhow so let's cut the damn thing off and be done with it.

My arm. My arm they've cut my arm off. See that stump there? That used to be my arm. Oh sure I had an arm I was born with one I was normal just I like you and I could hear and I had a left arm like I anybody. But what do you think of those lazy bastards cutting it off?

How's that

I can't hear either. I can't hear. Write it down. Put it on a piece of paper. I can read all right. But I can't hear. Put it down on a piece of paper and hand the paper to my right arm because I have no left arm.

My left arm. I wonder what they've done with it. When you cut a man's arm off you have to do something with it. You can't just leave it Iying around. Do you send it to hospitals so guys can pick it to pieces and see how an arm works? Do you wrap it up in an old newspaper and throw it onto the junk heap? Do you bury it? After all it's part of a man a very important part of a man and it should be treated respectfully. Do you take it out and bury it and say a little prayer? You should because it's human flesh and it died young and it deserves a good sendoff."

Sunday, October 17, 2010

european commercials part 1

Kids and Chlamydia are running wild in Europe right now.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Thursday, October 14, 2010

this also happened

annie misses you
what about wilmer
eh not really
me either
do you live in san fran?
...with them :)
i wanna come!
get dorrie to drive you in her prius
bring rhum punches
yes will do
will you guys pleaseee come home for thanksgiving?
come onnn
x mas
have xmas with us duh
apples to apples
:) :) :)
takin wilms lil vw back to chucktown

I just crushed the Laufman Facebook chat game. Chatting with 2 of my favorite Laufman's at once.

this just happened

Hello Laufman
whats crackin?
not a damn thing
nice.. are you in the san fran with wilmer?
he doesn't leave my side
did you here dorothy copied him and got herself a prius//
yeah dorothey
is on that save the earth game
when are you joining a gang
isn't that people your age do?
no i dont think so.
well your loss

Monday, October 11, 2010


Morgan was just taking a 5 minute nap. When I went to wake her up, she told me and I quote "Go fuck yourself! Go die!" I have only one question for my sour mouthed lady: do you wanna dance?Right before she fell asleep she said "Welcome to the jungle book, baby. You're gonna die!" Which was amazing.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Thanks Ricky

for an amazing Saturday at The Jug Barn. It reminded me of that time you shaved your mustache and we went to outer space and slayed robot lions & cosmic dragons and made sweet love to hot alien babes. You know what, I think I still have the video from that crazy escapade...
Man, that was sooOOOOoooOOoo tight! but guess what's tighter, we get to do it all over again tomorrow...riding in a spaceship...1984!

Friday, October 8, 2010

700th Post

I would really like to thank my brother Ricky aka Rickey Stink Fingers aka Chet Murphstache, for being so good at blogging.  This song plays on repeat in my mind every time we don't work together.
See you Saturday. It's fleet week, wear a heavy coat; the store is gonna be covered in seamen.