Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Full Circle

This is how I am spending my morning: calling people who owe me money. I am really good at it. I had some practice in my early 20's with this sort of thing. The trick to calling people who owe you money is being as comfortable as possible when making the call. This can be achieved in many different ways. One I like is drinking beer in my underwear when I call. This gives your voice an even tone when calling someone. So as not to spook the person who owes you money.  Check back in tomorrow for advice on extorting money while you shower.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Raining Day Remy LBO

It is raining hard as fuck in San Francisco right now. Which means the world is ending. I am spending my last days listening to this:
Maybe the best album cover of all time, but I might be a little biased, I love Canals!!! Buy this album if you haven't already bought it. 

Friday, June 24, 2011

A clash of kings book 2 of 7

Adam I can't thank you enough for saying "I heard this is good" in that book store in LA. I do have to tell you that you heard wrong. It is better than good. It is fucking amazing.  I bought the first book at the end of April and I am about to finish the second book.  I read 2 books in between, just to read something different. I read them as fast as possible. I couldn't tell you shit about them or do I care to ever read them again. I am not saying that to show you how much I read or how fast I read.  I'm telling you that to show how this has taken over my thoughts. All I care about is finding out which main character will be killed off next. It is fucking nuts! It is like a mid evil soap opera, but better.

If you have seen the show on HBO or you are planning on watching it, don't do it. Read the books first. It is as if there was a book series for Lost before it became a show or The Wire before it became show. It puts the show to shame. Granted I one day will watch the show, but for now the books are to tight to put down. The whole time I have been writing this all I have thought about is how much I wanna finish the second book so I can start the third, but I have to make the precious last. The precious. I need the precious. 

Beware these books will fuck you up. I thought earlier today "maybe I would like to go to a Renaissance fair." I can tell you right now I don't want to go to a Renaissance fair there is nothing I hate more, but these books are fucking with my mind!

Peace and Light. I love you. I will be back soon from this far away land, I swear.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Conference Calls

I had my weekly conference call today. It was super stressful. I had to give the big boss man some answers. I didn't like that. So I had a beer and pushed through.

I think I am gonna quit working and go back to school.  Rodney Dangerfield style.

Monday, June 20, 2011

The Pretentious Garfunkel

I don't know what to think about this: The Last thousand books Art Garfunkel read. It is a list of all of the books that Art Garfunkel has read over the last 40 years. I tried to do this, but forgot to write some down. I think I will start again. Check back in 2051 and see what I've read.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Its not an overnight fling

Morgan and I are in a band. We don't have a name, we don't record our songs and you will never see us play live, but we cover songs like this:

Just in case you can't hear how amazing this song is, here are the lyrics:

I found a woman
I felt I truely loved
She was everything
I'd ever been dreaming of

But she was bad, I didn't know it
Her pretty smile never did show it
All I knew is what I could see
And I knew I wanted her for me

I took her home to mama
Mama wanted to see my future bride
Well she looked at us both
Then she called me to her side

She said, son, take time to know her
It's not an overnight fhing
Take time to know her
Please don't rush into this thing

But I didn't listen to mama
I went straight to the church
I just couldn't wait to have a little girl of mine
When I got off from work
The preacher was there
So was my future bride
He looked at us both and then he called me to his side

Take time to know her
Its not an overnight fling
You better take time to know her
Please Please don't rush into this thing

When it look like every thing was gonna turn out all right
And then I came home a little early one night
And there she was kissin on another man
Now I know what mama meant when she took me by the hand
And said son, take time to know her
Its not an overnight fling
Take time to know her
Please don't rush into this thing
Take time to know her
Its not an overnight fling
Take time to know her

a little sneak peek

I show up around a minute thirty. Check out my kissing scene.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Eye Hell

I just got back from eye hell. Every time I go to the eye doctor I feel like they are just fucking with me. This time was no different. They dilated my eyes and shined bright lights on my eyes. Which just hurts, a lot. I wanted to say "hey asshole if I wasn't blind before I walked in here, I am now." This Nazi torture camp shit went on for an hour while matchbox 20 was blasting over the radio. My eyes look like i have been doing cocaine since yesterday morning.
 The only good thing they did was give me these sick Terminator shades!! Fuck you eye doctors, we are not friends!!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

The Head of the Cow

I just read The Shipwrecked Men by Cabeza De Vaca or as Danny refers to him "The head of the cow." It is the account of Vaca's exploration of Florida/Mexico. *Spoiler Alert* They Start out 600 deep, but by the end they are just 5 naked dudes walking around breathing on people. Sounds tight, right?

Penguin has a series of books called Penguin Great Journeys. These books have amazing titles and real "hip" covers. Which means.....?


Saturday, June 4, 2011

BART on Yelp

I needed to find out what time BART ran till. This supplied me with the answer I needed and maybe a little more:

-BART......... Bart, bart, bart.  You need to LISTEN right now and LISTEN GOOD.  Run past FREAKIN 12AM.  And I mean AT LEAST until like, 2:30 am.  I'm serious now.  Don't even begin to play wit me cuz ima take out mah hoops and fight chu.

Do you even KNOW how man car loads of club crashers drive over the Bay Bridge to hit up city spots?  And I'll tell you exactly what happens... Tina (generic condescending female who is pretending to be matronly and responsible to avoid her serious relationship issues in that she NEEDS a man, a real prince this time, and can't seem to find one) says, "Oh, I'll drive.  I promise, no worries... I'm super hung over from last night anyway (what, Tina, hung over from the lifetime reruns and Kleenex brand tissues with lotion to wipe away your tears of shame? No, you're right, it was probably those big plans you had... ha.)

THEN Tina texts her "BFF" dude who lives in another city just to see what's up (not like she hasn't been in love with him for 5 years after they roomed together in college or something) only to find that he's out on a date with some tramp from the marketing department at his mediocre job thats pays way less than Tina's though she pretends that she's jealous to make him feel like a real man...  And you know what, I bet he's taking the date to Applebees or some shit like that.  Probably for the two for one happy hour on cocktails and appetizers...... or something

Well WATCH HER!  Because there goes your DD.... Next thing you know she's demanding chardonnay at a DIVE bar because she's had enough and this is really going to be the time that she stops talking to him... And you're screwed.

SEE Bart?  THAT'S why you have to run past midnight.  Because those idiots think Tina can handle it as soon as she stops crying, and then they get in the car and DRIVE back across the damn bridge.

Well, fellow yelpers.  I think you can clearly see my thoughts on the good ol' Bay Area Rapid Transit, and you can agree with why I've given them only 4 stars, rather than 5.